Monday, 4 October 2010

The Start of my Journey with Breast Cancer

Hi all! I really felt to share my story, I won't write it all down at once, but will share snippets and moments as they come back to me. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer Christmas 2004. I pray that if you are reading this, that your faith will increase, and that I have helped you on your journey at least a little.

My story:
I was in an almighty rush and was running late, I had already found my husbands socks for him, my sons bag that suddenly 'dissapeared', put my daughters hair up. All whilst making coffee, getting breakfast ready and quickly putting on a load in the washing machine. A typical day in our house at the time. I was still working part time, 3 days a week as a church sectretary in our church we attended, and my daughters school was (thank heavens) only 5 minutes away from the office. My husband was running late and so it goes.
I put on my bra and it felt like something bit me, ouch, that hurt. I looked at my bra. Stupid thing. I'm not huge but well endowd, and always wear bra's with the wire support. Well the wire support had broken on the left side and I figured that was the problem. I flung it off to the other side of the room, I will clean it up later.
Note to self: Don't buy any more cheapy bras. I got the next bra out of my drawer, and the same thing happened. Not two in a row. Then all of a sudden, I stopped. I really can't tell you how or what made me stop. All of a sudden I was completely calm. Have you ever seen those scenes in the movies where the camera goes right around the person and then zooms in? That is what is was like. Calm, i was looking at myself from the outside somehow. I took my right hand to investigate the pain under my left breast. Just where the wire was, where the pain came from. I touched it gingerly at first, then harder. Ouch. Big OUCH!##@#@#@. Sorry but that is what I was thinking....Then my stomach sank. Somehow I just knew. The colour went out of my face, yet it felt like my face was burning. I could feel the adrenilin kicking in, my heart started to beat a little faster. Just then my husband walked into the bedroom. He looked at me.
"You ok?"
"No!"
"Huh?"
He wasn't expecting me to say no. I am always OK. He realised in an a moment, that something was up. Something big something.
He just stopped an kept looking at me. He knew me well enough to know that I will say what is bothering me sooner or later.
"I've got a lump!" The moment I spoke it out, reality hit me. I choked up, tears welled in my eyes.
"A lump?"
"Yeah, under my left breast, it really hurts, I only just discovered it, because my bra broke.", pointing to the corner of the room where it got flung off to.
My husband swollowed hard, and I could see that he was desperately searching in his mind what to say.
"Just because you found a lump, doesn't necessarily mean........"
"I know"  i couldn't say it either . I couldn't get myself to say the C word.
"Honey, please, make and appointment with the Doctor today, it'll be ok, you'll see"
"Yeah, it'll be ok, I'm sure."
I tried to put the whole thing out of my mind and get on with the day. A good thing about being busy is, that you tend not to dwell on things because you are just too busy being busy. Well I got sooo busy that day that I forgot all about 'it', and didn't make an appointment until the next day. I couldn't get in until the following week, my doctor was always booked out. I preferred a female doctor when it came to my issues, which I had many over the years.
Little did  I know then what was in store for me.......................

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